KETAN JOSHI
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Antarctic Odyssey - Day zero

12/5/2021

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The last night before the trip was action packed …well, it was action packed for Bharathi.
She took one horrified look at my packing video and screamed AAAAIYOO!!! And threw me out of the room, packed my rather rustic and lumpy packing repacked everything neatly. 


She threw out half my tea sachets though :( 

Then she screamed AAAAIYYOOO again and went feverishly peck peck peck on the computer to finalise my Argentina itinerary before I left the country. She had to cancel all the Brazil bookings and re-evaluate and re-itinerise (is that a word?) and replan and rebook all the travel. 

And also she had to extend the time period of my travel insurance policy by a few days (less than a week) to cover my slightly longer overseas stay.

It sounded like a perfectly simple thing to me - the insurance company should just extend the duration of the policy by a few days and charge whatever extra they wanted. 


But since this was Tata AIG - nothing is simple. 

First we wrote to them on email - no reply. I just got an automated reply saying that they have received the mail and would ignore me immediately.

After a couple of days i started calling them - and received a baffling response - this number does not exist! 

Eh? 
I tried again - and got a dead line. WTF? 

Bharathi started going purple - but i said - ‘Chill - their switchboard software must be down with something. We will try again later.’ 
‘HOW CAN A WHOLE SWITCHBOARD BE DOWN?’ 
‘It’s Tata - anything can happen..’ 
I tried using their ‘selfcare’ on their website - and again hit a wall. No response! So much for self care.   
I tried again after a day and finally managed to get through! Hallelujah! After negoriating their confusing IVR and managed to get through to an operator - we had a long chat which began with saying that it is not possible - but then ended with - Yes sure, we will do it!’ 
Yay! I said - but Bharathi said - wait… This is not done until it is done. 
And indeed, it was not done. No reply, no confirmation, no email, so sms nothing. 

Bah. So I called them again -got a different operator - explained everything again - and he said - OK - I will send you a form. Fill it in and send it back.

How strange - when I am personally calling you, why send a bloody form? Just make the changes online and send me a payment link for any further payment you require. 


But no. Form it is. After several hours, I got a mail with a form. 

I looked at it most doubtfully. It was not a web form, it was not a proper document with a letterhead, it was just plain text in email body. It looked most unreliable. 

‘From: vikumar50
<Customerservices@tataaig.com>

Date: Thu, Dec 2, 2021 at 5:25 PM

Subject: Travel Extension

Dear Customer,


This is with reference to your telephonic conversation with our Customer Service Officer.


As per your request received, please find the below details for Travel Extension Request and send it On 
customersupport@tataaig.com  for Further Procedure.​‘

‘Listen’ I said to Bharathi ‘Why don’t just dump these idiots and take a fresh policy from someone else? See - i opened ICICI Lombard and got a very reasonable quote. Why not take that instead of wrestling with these guys?’ 

Bharathi was enraged! How dare I try and horn in on her domain! She swelled like an angry bullfrog and screamed at me ‘YOU ARE WRONG WRONG WRONG!’

‘Eh? Why? This is a fresh policy that covers the whole travel. And its half the price of the Tata quote.’

‘NO NO NO! WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CLAIM? WHAT IF THE TWO INSURANCE COMPANIES PASS IT FROM ONE TO THE OTHER? WHAT IF YOU NEED EVACUATION IN ANTARCTICA? WHAT IF YOU GET CHILLBLAINS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA? WHAT IF YOUR BRAIN EXPLODES AFTER READING MY MAILS? WHO WILL COVER IT?’ 

‘Eh? But…’
‘SHUT UP!!!!! YOU ARE WRONG! WRONG WONG’ 
‘Wong?’ 
‘WRONG!’ 
‘Oh…right…’ 

So I filled out that stupid form and sent it back to Tata Aig - not to the customersupport - with whom I had been speaking…but to customerservice! The mail was very clear - send it to them, not to us. No ticket number, nothing. 
Sounds like a clear case of buck passing to me. 

And sure enough, no response from Tata AIG till now on that form.

But I did get a reply to my original mail - 4 days after I had sent them a mail. 
‘Dear Customer,
Thank you for your email.
In the view of COVID-19 we wish you and your family a Good health and stay safe.
We understand your concern and regret the inconvenience caused to you.
We wish to inform you that we have taken your request for travel extension date and our representative shall assist you within 5 working days.
Your request reference number is XXXXXXXX
Should you require any further assistance please feel free to write to us and we shall be glad to assist you.
§ Now you may also contact us through below mentioned online self-servicing options for claim registration, policy renewal, policy soft copy, and more.’ 


So much for customerservice and customersupport and self care and all that. 

Hey Tata AIG - can you see which finger I am showing you? 

​

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Antarctica Odyssey - Prologue

12/4/2021

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Bharathi the great traveller has been to all the continents in the world and was looking for new worlds to conquer! 

‘Only one thing is left!’ She declared ‘Antarctica!’ 

‘Hmm hmm’ I replied, not really paying attention. She is like this only - keeps babbling about going to some place or the other - she will jump randomly from country to country and announce some random facts - sometimes Russia, sometimes Norway, sometimes Australia…I tune out while she is talking about cycling in Budapest and the next thing I know, she will be babbling about kayaking in Indonesia. 

But this was different! She was fishing in the troubled waters of the post COVID world - and found that travel restrictions had played havoc with the cruising world. The Antarctica cruises which were once crazily priced and completely unaffordable had suddenly crashed by up to 75% and were suddenly within reach of us broke and poor travellers.  The cruise lines were desperate for business - and were offering all kinds of sweet deals - steep discounts, free cancellation or rescheduling, free upgrades, free drinks packages and all kinds of stuff. This was the troubled-water-fishing that she revels in and after lots and lots of research - she finalised on a couple of cruises.

Obviously there were still a number of difficulties - very difficult difficulties, I might add. How to get to Argentina, how to enter Argentina and all other countries involved in getting there - and how to adjust schedules so that one gets in there in time for a properly priced cruise… a gargantuan project management challenge! 

But Bharathi was the right person for this job! This was the kind of travel challenge that she lives for! She was plugged into the computer for months on end - furiously collecting information, checking fares, visa regulations, cruise schedules, COVID protocols, accomodation and itineraries, and all kinds of arcane stuff. 

She took complete possession of my computer and kicked me out! For months and months! 
‘But how will I write books?!!’ I whined ‘I need the computer! Give me my computer!’ 
‘Bah!’ She sneered ‘Tchah! Hah! Gah! Pah! Get lost with your stupid books. This is more important! This is the travel of a lifetime! NOW GET LOST AND DON'T BOTHER ME! GRRRRRR!’ 
I fled in panic. 

So if anyone one was wondering why I released only 2 books in 2021 - you now know! 

Anyway - to cut a long story very short - SHE DID IT. 
She - like the creator - created order out of the chaos and made multiple itineraries to go to Antarctica.. and then settled down on two - one for me and one for her! That was because someone had to stay home with the kid. I would go and come back and she would hand over the baton and leave for her own trip. 
One has to catch the cruise from Ushuaia - the southernmost port in Argentina - and for that one has to get to Argentina! And the only way - the only reasonable way - to get to Argentina is via Europe. And since one is going via Europe anyway - it costs the same if you transit for an hour or for a month. So why not stop for a bit in Europe and enjoy a trip there as well? After all, time is no constraint for unemployed people who do not need to beg for leave from work. 

The first plan was to transit through Portugal and spend a couple of weeks exploring Portugal - but they were firmly closed due to covid. Finally she threw her hands up and decided to route me through Spain instead. 

Yay! Spain! Tapas! Ham! Flamenco! Hot women! Tapas! 
Did I mention Tapas? Yum 

We had been to Spain in 2014, so wouldn’t be checking out a new country - that was a pity - but it would be great to go back there. I had very pleasant memories - though of course it wouldn’t be the same without Bharathi with me. 

Then I would fly to Argentina - which would be a long and blechh flight …ugh. Spend a day or two in Buenos Aires - and then fly to Ushuaia to see Tierra del Fuego and catch the cruise! ANTARCTICA! WOO HOO! 

‘Since I am going such a long way…can’t I stop there and see some more of the place?’ I pleaded. ‘It would be a real shame to go all the way and not see it.’ 
‘OK’ she replied. ‘Go and see Brazil’ and she booked the outward ticket out of São Paulo. Two weeks in Brazil! WOOHOO! AMAZON FOREST, BABY!’ 

Now we required Visas for Spain, Argentina and Brazil.
Visa applications are most painful for us Indians, and Bharathi worked hard to study all the lunatic rules and requirements of the various consulates and put together a faultless visa application. 
I did nothing in all of this, except for lounge around -  and arrange the documents she demanded. 
I got the Spain and Argentina visas smoothly as per plan - but Brazil blindsided us. They used to be be most friendly and efficient in the past - but now they have pulled a 360…or rather, a 180 …and have the most ridiculous online visa system now. You first have to upload all the documents in their e-consular website - and pay the non-refundable visa charges…they hatch eggs for a week or two - and then ask you to submit paper copies of the same documents to their office. Not at any odd time - but at the exact time they give you an appointment for! A human being collects the documents, checks them, asks you questions and then tells you to come back after another week or so - but only after getting a call from them. 

Ok - did all that and then happily went to collect the passport - only to be told that they have declined the visa! 
‘What?’ I said ‘Rejected! But you have seen all the documents which I uploaded on the site for 10 day and then met me yourself and took my documents and checked them again and kept my passport for 10 days. And now you reject? Why?’
 
‘No no…’ he corrected me. ‘Not rejected. Declined. You can resubmit the application, pay the fees again, and wait again for 3 weeks.’ 
‘But what was wrong with this application? Is some document missing? Is some requirement not being met?’ 
‘I cannot tell you that. Apply again.’ 
‘But - if you don’t tell me what was wrong, what is the point in applying again? What am I supposed to change?’ 
‘I cannot tell you that.’ 

This was like an argument with a woman! ‘If you don’t know why I am angry, then I am not going to tell you!’ 

‘Dude - I don’t have the time to do this ridiculous dance again! I am leaving next week.’ 
‘Delay your trip.’ He said calmly. 
‘Delay? Delay? Dude - look at the itinerary! I am going across 4 countries and three continents - four, if you count Antarctica! My cruise is booked - I cannot fiddle with the itinerary.’ 
‘Ah - that’s too bad. Looks like you are screwed. BUHAHAHAHA!’ 
‘At least give me a one day visa, so I can board my flight from São Paulo!’ 
‘Nopes. Sucks to be you. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. BUHAHAHA!’ 

Hey Brazil consul in India - Can you see which finger I am showing you? 

Bharathi cursed a good deal - and got to work arranging an alternate schedule and worked round the clock to come out with an Argentina itinerary and exit from Buenos Aires to Dubai. 

So we are all set! 

En avaunt! Let the trip begin! Alea Jacta est and all that sort of thing. 
​

ALL HAIL THE PATRON SAINT OF IDIOTS AND SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED! 




​

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Cool street art of Worli

10/1/2021

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One of the joys of Mumbai nowadays is the wall paintings all over the place. The BMC and the State government seems to be encouraging artists to do cool murals and wall paintings all over the place and it adds an awesome touch of colour and art to everyday commutes.
Well done artist! and BMC! and Government! and any body else involved in this cool art project! 

Since I was on a cycle on my Sunday morning ride, I did not zip past them like a normal commuter and could spend some time to stop and admire them and take a few clicks. 
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The Man Who Washed His Passport...and other stories

9/29/2021

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NEW BOOK!
#17!

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New Book! New series! 

Well - here it is - my 17th book! 

“The Man Who Washed His Passport - and other stories. Round the world with She Who Must Be Obeyed.’ 

After a lot of books about my travels in and around India, I thought it might be fun to tell a few stories about my international travels. After all, I have done a lot of international travel - I have been to more than 50 countries and not a year has gone by in the last decade without an international trip or two. 

I must hasten to add that I have absolutely no role in planning or deciding these trips! It is all the greater glory of SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED! She finished seeing all of India years ago and since then, like Alexander, she cried because there were no more lands to conquer. 
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Hanging gardens - a.k.a the Phirozeshah Mehta gardens

8/12/2021

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It was yet another rainy Sunday, and it was time for a Sunday morning ride.

I cycled happily towards ‘South Bombay’ and went on to visit a most beautiful place - the ‘Hanging garden’ - or, to give it its official name - the ‘Phirozeshah Mehta garden’. 

Which is a good opportunity to talk about that magnificently moustachioed Parsi gentleman - Sir Pherozeshah Mehta - ‘The father of Bombay’ and a founding member of the Indian National Congress. 
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This venerable bawaji was a remarkable fellow - he was one of the first ‘Post Graduate’ degree holders in the country - getting his ‘Master of Arts’ from the newly minted ‘Univerity of Bombay’ in 1864, and then went to London to get his law degree, and became the first Parsi barrister in blighty. He then returned to Bombay to hang out his shingle and go toe-to-toe with the toffee-nosed British lawyers who had held a monopoly on the silly-wig-and-black-housecoat trade in India till that time. P.M. went on to become one of the most famous lawyers in Bombay and probably charged an arm and a leg just to look at a brief. ( A legal brief, I mean...not undies!) 

One of his famous clients was the first Municipal Commissioner of Bombay - Arthur Crawford -  who was accused of corruption! The very first commissioner clearly set the corruption ball rolling and his example seems to have been faithfully followed by all the BMC employees ever since! 

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Mahalaxmi racecourse

6/30/2021

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This is one great Mumbai landmark that really flies under the radar. This is one of the coolest places in Mumbai, but no one seems to visit it, talk about it or even know about it. The Mahalaxmi racecourse - headquarters of the RWITC - the Royal Western India Turf club - located on a humongous 225 acres of land in one of most expensive and desirable areas of South Mumbai. 
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Just the sheer size of this property makes this a Mumbai marvel - because the city is so crowded, so chockfull, so cramped, so gummed up - that even sardines in their cans feel relaxed and spread out as compared to Mumbaikars. The property prices are high enough to make even Doland Trump bhai suck in a breath and shout ‘We are winning so much that we will one day buy a plot in Mumbai! Agli baar, trump sarkar!’. Even Sheikh Chilli of Arabia thinks twice before investing in land here and the Sultan of Brunei shook his head and went back on his gold-plated private jet. 

And in the midst of all this, we have 225 acres of beautifully maintained greenery which is used for races only for a few days in a year! Isn’t that amazing? 
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I don't think people in Mumbai really appreciate the historical significance of the place - but this racecourse is more than 150 years old, and is a wonderful heritage structure with a lot of historical value. It was built in 1883! 

Horse racing was always a big thing with the British, and the first thing they built once they had taken over a town and pacified the natives was to build a...no, not a racecourse silly! The first thing was a fort, then a court and gallows to hang all those who opposed them, then a port for their ships to haul away their loot, a bank to store the money they stole from the locals...and once they were good and rich and safe - a racecourse! 

The first racecourse was built in India in Guindy, Madras - in 1777! The East India Company had won the battle of Plassey in 1757 and conquered Bengal. The EIC further established its hold in India by defeating the Mughal armies in the Battle of Buxar in 1764 and had the Mughal Emperor Shah Alam II by the balls and squeezed out huge monies and the ‘Diwani’ or ‘right to collect land tax’  of Bengal, Bihar and Orissa from him - making them the de facto owners and rulers of North and East India. 

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Sanjay Gandhi National Park

6/23/2021

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We are used to it, so it doesn't really register...but we have the most amazing anomaly in the world right here under our noses.

Mumbai metropolis is one of the largest and most densely packed cities in the world - so chock full of people that you can’t swing a cat without braining a bunch of people - and breaking a few shop windows as well. Seriously, there are people living on top of people living on top of people.

The cost of land and building is also ridiculous - enough to make even Onassis and Donald Trump suck in their breath with a startled ‘what ho!’. You could probably buy a huge ranch in Texas - along with horses - for the price of a 3 BHK in South Bombay.

The traffic is so bad - so legendarily bad - that it is said that a courting couple can set out from office and get married, have a kid, get a divorce and then get back together in the time it would take to drive from office in South Bombay to home in Borivali.

And - in the midst of all this rampant and crazy metropolitan madness - we have a full-fledged forest in the middle of the city!

Not a garden - not a zoo - not a botanical park...but a proper forest - an ancient forest, still full of apex predators like leopards and prey like deer and wild pigs and monkeys, and complex an diverse tree and plant population and all sorts of Avifauna.

And this is not in some far away wilderness - but in that same Borivali suburb that our imaginary couple lives in. They could be living right on the edge of a forest and risk having their bananas stolen by monkeys and their dog to be eaten by a leopard!

How incredible is that!
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New book! One Man Rides North East!

6/22/2021

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It’s sweet 16 folks! Here is my latest and 16th book - ‘One Man Rides North East - the Amigo rides to Assam, Meghalaya. Manipur and Nagaland’

This is my 7th motorcycling book - after the 5 part Amigos ‘Three men on motorcycles’ series and the first solo ride story - ‘One Man Rides Alone - Bike and Hike Uttarakhand’

This is the second solo ride story, and is among my favourite trips - not only was it a thrilling solo ride, but it was to a place which I had fantasized about for many years - the mystical and little-known North-East!

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Mumbai exploration - Nehru Centre

6/1/2021

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No - not Nehru Science Centre… this is only ‘Nehru centre’, no science! 
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The Nehru centre building is something that had always intrigued me - it looks very fancy indeed. It is a pure white cylinder with scalloping all over it - sort of like some fancy origami design expanded to monstrous proportions.
 It looks like the only brief given to the architect was ‘Make something different - anything you like! Money is no object! It doesn’t have to be practical at all!’ 
A practical design for a building is always a right-angled shape - so that you can use all of the area. When you make a circular building, a good 22% of the space is unusable! 
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‘Don’t worry about all that…’ I could just hear the architect saying. ‘Don’t be so prosaic! Make art! Leave a mark! It’s all government money, anyway!’ 

And he succeeded too! This is a very cool building - as unworldly and impractical as possible, and it really stands out amongst the blocky concrete building blocks of Mumbai. It was designed by a dude called IM Kadri. (Sounds like the answer to a philosophical question, doesnt it? ‘Who are you?’ ‘IM Kadri!’ 
‘The white churning tower stands apart from the regular rectangular blocks that aim for the sky. But when you are in front of the tower, it exudes a compelling sense of wonder. The ascending slope of green meets the building at 42 feet. Three terraced levels at the base of the structure form a podium for the tower that’s nearly 260 ft high. “The challenge was in allowing the design to reflect the essence of man,” says architect IM Kadri, who designed it in 1981.’ 

So, What is this giant edifice anyway? 

It is a memorial to Prime Minister Jawharlal Nehru - ideated by his friend and freedom struggle comrade, a lawyer called Rajni Patel. Patel had been active in the freedom struggle and had supported Gandhi by picketing liquor shops! (wonder if he considered the point that the liquor was made in India, and therefore was  technically ‘swadeshi’?) 

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Nehru Science Centre

5/24/2021

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I had taken up this project of discovering Mumbai. It started with my taking up cycling as an exercise...but just going round and round in circles was boring, so I started going to specific places on cycle. I would look up interesting places and then ride out on Sunday morning to go and check it out - exercise, adventure and exploration… all in one! 

But there was no need to be so strict about the cycling thing - not all places are open early on Sunday morning - and definitely not all places wanted to see a fat, sweaty and mud-splattered cyclist  in tight clothes clump around their premises! These places would have to be explored in the traditional manner! 

And with my usual urge to kill multiple birds with one stone - I decided to take the brat along to some of the kid-friendly places in Mumbai - some of which I remembered fondly due to my having visited them as a kid myself! The kid will have an outing, we will have some father-daughter bonding - and I will get to continue my Mumbai exploration project! 

The first destination on my kid list was the Nehru Science Centre in Worli. 
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This is a very cool place - it is situated in a nice little campus of its own, with some small gardens and a building full of very cool scientific exhibits. 

I looked it up - and found that the Nehru Science Centre was inaugurated in 1977, with a ‘Light and Sight’ section. Fascinating! 

And why is that fascinating? Because ...just think of what was happening in 1977! Complete political turmoil! The country had been under two years of ‘Emergency’! 

Jawaharlal Nehru’s daughter - Indira Gandhi -  had declared ‘a state of Emergency’ across the country in 1975 because "there is an imminent danger to the security of India being threatened by internal disturbances", and this gave her the authority to rule by decree, allowing elections to be cancelled and civil liberties to be suspended. 

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