KETAN JOSHI
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The great stone bridge of Ronda

12/15/2021

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Ronda is an ancient town in Andalusia near the Mediterranean Sea, and has been a settled town since before Roman times. It used to be settled by local tribes, then was settled by Scipio Africanus during the Punic wars. After the Roman Empire crumbled, it was conquered by Visigoths from what is now Germany - till it fell to the African Berbers, who were the start of the Muslim moorish occupation of Spain in the first millennium AD. 

The Muslim period of Spain is a most fascinating period - when the Moors and Arabs kept alive the flame of learning and science when Europe was stuck in the dark ages. When the rest of Europe was a disgusting medieval mess, Cordoba and Malaga were bustling metropolises! 

I read a book by Louis L’Amour called ‘The walking drum’ about this era, and it had a great effect on me. Louis L’Amour was a writer of cowboy adventures in the old west - six guns and quick draws and all that stuff. But this was the only historical romance he wrote, and it was the only book I had ever read that referred to this fascinating era. I recommend it highly. ​
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The amazing cathedral of Avila

12/12/2021

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After an intense couple of days, its ‘adios Madrid’ for now - it was time to go to the train station and catch a train to Avila. 

I could get there by chasing a couple of trains, but the Uber rate was very reasonable - so I went in comfort in a fancy car instead of struggling in a crowded metro and changing trains a couple of time and so forth. 

The train journey to Avila was very smooth - Spanish trains are very nice … comfortable, roomy and very fast! ​
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Mercato San Miguel

12/11/2021

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Madrid day 3 morning

It was time to go - I would be leaving Madrid today…taking the train to Avila to see the ancient walled city there. 

But I still had the morning free, and I was determined to see the Mercato San Miguel and sample some delicious artisanal food there. 

A ‘Mercato’ is a covered marketplace, where the various food producers used to bring their stuff and sell there in ancient times - butchers, winemakers, cheese makers, fishmongers, vegetable and fruit sellers, vinegar and garum makers and so on - much like Crawford market in Mumbai. 

Over the years the place evolved to be a place selling artisanal food to be eaten there itself, rather than being a wholesale market. Now it is a place for tourists to find and try kinds of fancy artisanal food. 

This particular Mercato is more than 100 years old - Today, this historical building stands out as one of the world’s main gastronomic markets. It allows visitors to experience the essence and most significant flavors of every corner of Spain.

From the finest Iberian ham and freshest fish and shellfish brought in daily from Galicia, to Mediterranean rice dishes and the most exquisite cheeses from Castile, Asturias and the Basque Country – at the Mercado de San Miguel, you’ll find all the highlights of Spanish cuisine. Spread out over more than 20 stands, the common denominator here is a commitment to high-quality tapas and pub fare.

COVID had forced the closure of this market for more than 8 months! It had opened just in July 2021 and now it was back to running full blast. The crowd seemed to be mostly local Spanish people - the only foreigners were a few Americans…and me. 

I woke early and packed my bags and went down to have a local specialty at the downstairs cafe - churros and chocolate.

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A walk around Madrid

12/11/2021

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Madrid Day 2 continued 

After seeing the Palacio Real and the Almudena, I thought that I should now come down from the sacred to the profane, and worship my belly by going to the Mercato San Miguel and eating local Spanish delicacies. ​
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It was only a short walk  - but when I reached there, I was shocked by the crowds! The place was as packed as VT station during rush hour! I pushed my way in, and shouldered my way to the oyster booth where I was jostled here and there until I got my hands on two oysters. ​

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Almudena Cathedral, Madrid

12/9/2021

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After the Palacio Real, the next thing to see was the famous Almudena cathedral - the seat of the  Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Madrid. And it was pretty easy to find too! Just turn around - and there it is! ​
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Madrid day 2 - Royal Palaces and common people

12/7/2021

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Today I was going to see two of the iconic sights in Madrid - the Royal Palace of the King of Spain - the Palacio Real, and the Almudena cathedral right in front of it. 

Yesterday, I had been dog tired when I got back from seeing the Prado and the botanical garden - the jetlag, the disrupted sleep schedule and the lack of lunch all added to the aching feet. Slow walking in museums always leads to ‘barking dogs’ and the poor fellows have to support my very heavy weight! 
Add to that the fact that I was wearing heavy hiking shoes this time, instead of my usual sneakers…the Antarctica boat guys insisted on waterproof hiking shoes…or at least SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED thought that they insisted on such things. But when I saw videos of people who had done these voyages, they pooh-poohed the idea and said that there was no need for them…the boat would issue high gum boots for going ashore on Antarctica and sneakers were fine aboard ship. I wanted to carry sneakers as well, but there was no room in my baggage! 

Bharathi growled at me and said ‘INFIRM OF PURPOSE! CARRY ONLY THE HIKING SHOES! I COMMAND YOU!’ And that was the end of that. So I bought some fancy Decathlon hiking shoes which are rated to walk on snow and stuff. 

I must say that for shoes which are intended to be for walking very long distances, they are not comfortable! Hopefully I will get used to them. But till then…OW OW OW. ​
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Madrid day 1 - Unmasked in Prado!

12/7/2021

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Day 1 in Madrid and I woke up before dawn in spite of sleeping very late. That’s not as impressive as it sounds actually - for one thing,  the day dawns pretty late in summer in Spain- and for another, I was still on India time. 

The hotel room was really tiny - Bombay level tiny - to quote Circuit from Munnabhai - ‘ye room to shura hote hi  khatam ho Gaya!’. But it was neat and clean and had an en suite bath and even had a balcony! What more do you need anyway? 

The shower was so small that I kept bumping in to the tap and turning the warm shower into either a scalding lava fountain or a freezing torrent - and the shower curtain would lovingly drape over my wet body and surround me like a shroud. 

(Though that is more of a comment on the size of my butt than the size of the shower stall, I suppose…) 

I sat around writing a blog and suddenly realised with a start that I was almost late for my date with the Prado museum! SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED had booked a ticket for 10 AM and I quailed to think of what she would say if I was late for my very first booking! 

I quickly got ready and checked with the hotel dude as to the best way to reach Prado - Bharathi had babbled about metro lines and how I had to recharge that one day card with 10 rides and all that stuff. But the hotelier said that it was just a 10-15 minute walk, and gave me a map and marked the route on it. 

Well - to go down to the metro, add the 10 trips on a machine, go down to the platform, wait for the train, get out to the street level, etc would probably have taken more than 15 minutes. Anyway the weather was very nice and a walk sounded most agreeable. 

And no time for breakfast! ‘What?!’ My tummy squealed ‘…but …we didn't have dinner either yesterday…’
‘Oh shut up…’ I said ‘A fast will do you good.’ ​

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Hola Madrid

12/7/2021

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Finally the D Day Dawned! 

All the planning and preparation and nail biting had come to a climax! The trip was starting today! WOOHOO! 

‘REACH THE AIRPORT WELL BEFORE TIME!’ Bharathi hair was standing on end and curling and furling like the fretful porpentine, as Shakespeare would say. ‘THEY MIGHT MAKE YOU DO THE RTPCR TEST AGAIN!’ 

‘Eh?’ I said ‘Why would they do that? I have a PCR test already.’ 

‘YOU NEVER KNOW! THEY MIGHT MAKE YOU UNDERGO A PCR TEST, AN X RAY, AN ULTRASOUND, A STOOL TEST, AN HIV TEST, A DNA TEST…’ 

‘Er…my Uber has come…chalo bye…’
I hastily left before she get could get to the stool test and the prostate fingering and so on…

Luckily none of this happened - the Emirates people were very nice. An agent checked my PCR result and waved me on, and the check in was very smooth indeed. I enquired about a free upgrade  (Hey, you never know…never hurts to ask) … but she just waved me away. Bloody phukatchand. 

The flight to Dubai  was very nice - saw the ‘Friends reunion special’ on the plane and it made me emotional and moist-eyed for some reason. Go figure. 

At Dubai I went - as per boss’s orders -  and asked the Emirates people about cancelling the Brazil Dubai sector, and they informed me that while only one sector cannot be cancelled, I could definitely cancel the entire Brazil Dubai Mumbai leg and ask for a refund. 

‘Ah great!’ Bharathi said ‘I will wait till the laaaaaaaast minute - if they only cancel the flight then they will issue a full refund! BUHAHAHAHA’ 

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Antarctic Odyssey - Day zero

12/5/2021

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The last night before the trip was action packed …well, it was action packed for Bharathi.
She took one horrified look at my packing video and screamed AAAAIYOO!!! And threw me out of the room, packed my rather rustic and lumpy packing repacked everything neatly. 


She threw out half my tea sachets though :( 

Then she screamed AAAAIYYOOO again and went feverishly peck peck peck on the computer to finalise my Argentina itinerary before I left the country. She had to cancel all the Brazil bookings and re-evaluate and re-itinerise (is that a word?) and replan and rebook all the travel. 

And also she had to extend the time period of my travel insurance policy by a few days (less than a week) to cover my slightly longer overseas stay.

It sounded like a perfectly simple thing to me - the insurance company should just extend the duration of the policy by a few days and charge whatever extra they wanted. 


But since this was Tata AIG - nothing is simple. 

First we wrote to them on email - no reply. I just got an automated reply saying that they have received the mail and would ignore me immediately.

After a couple of days i started calling them - and received a baffling response - this number does not exist! 

Eh? 
I tried again - and got a dead line. WTF? 

Bharathi started going purple - but i said - ‘Chill - their switchboard software must be down with something. We will try again later.’ 
‘HOW CAN A WHOLE SWITCHBOARD BE DOWN?’ 
‘It’s Tata - anything can happen..’ 
I tried using their ‘selfcare’ on their website - and again hit a wall. No response! So much for self care.   
I tried again after a day and finally managed to get through! Hallelujah! After negoriating their confusing IVR and managed to get through to an operator - we had a long chat which began with saying that it is not possible - but then ended with - Yes sure, we will do it!’ 
Yay! I said - but Bharathi said - wait… This is not done until it is done. 
And indeed, it was not done. No reply, no confirmation, no email, so sms nothing. 

Bah. So I called them again -got a different operator - explained everything again - and he said - OK - I will send you a form. Fill it in and send it back.

How strange - when I am personally calling you, why send a bloody form? Just make the changes online and send me a payment link for any further payment you require. 


But no. Form it is. After several hours, I got a mail with a form. 

I looked at it most doubtfully. It was not a web form, it was not a proper document with a letterhead, it was just plain text in email body. It looked most unreliable. 

‘From: vikumar50
<[email protected]>

Date: Thu, Dec 2, 2021 at 5:25 PM

Subject: Travel Extension

Dear Customer,


This is with reference to your telephonic conversation with our Customer Service Officer.


As per your request received, please find the below details for Travel Extension Request and send it On 
[email protected]  for Further Procedure.​‘

‘Listen’ I said to Bharathi ‘Why don’t just dump these idiots and take a fresh policy from someone else? See - i opened ICICI Lombard and got a very reasonable quote. Why not take that instead of wrestling with these guys?’ 

Bharathi was enraged! How dare I try and horn in on her domain! She swelled like an angry bullfrog and screamed at me ‘YOU ARE WRONG WRONG WRONG!’

‘Eh? Why? This is a fresh policy that covers the whole travel. And its half the price of the Tata quote.’

‘NO NO NO! WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CLAIM? WHAT IF THE TWO INSURANCE COMPANIES PASS IT FROM ONE TO THE OTHER? WHAT IF YOU NEED EVACUATION IN ANTARCTICA? WHAT IF YOU GET CHILLBLAINS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA? WHAT IF YOUR BRAIN EXPLODES AFTER READING MY MAILS? WHO WILL COVER IT?’ 

‘Eh? But…’
‘SHUT UP!!!!! YOU ARE WRONG! WRONG WONG’ 
‘Wong?’ 
‘WRONG!’ 
‘Oh…right…’ 

So I filled out that stupid form and sent it back to Tata Aig - not to the customersupport - with whom I had been speaking…but to customerservice! The mail was very clear - send it to them, not to us. No ticket number, nothing. 
Sounds like a clear case of buck passing to me. 

And sure enough, no response from Tata AIG till now on that form.

But I did get a reply to my original mail - 4 days after I had sent them a mail. 
‘Dear Customer,
Thank you for your email.
In the view of COVID-19 we wish you and your family a Good health and stay safe.
We understand your concern and regret the inconvenience caused to you.
We wish to inform you that we have taken your request for travel extension date and our representative shall assist you within 5 working days.
Your request reference number is XXXXXXXX
Should you require any further assistance please feel free to write to us and we shall be glad to assist you.
§ Now you may also contact us through below mentioned online self-servicing options for claim registration, policy renewal, policy soft copy, and more.’ 


So much for customerservice and customersupport and self care and all that. 

Hey Tata AIG - can you see which finger I am showing you? 

​

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Antarctica Odyssey - Prologue

12/4/2021

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Bharathi the great traveller has been to all the continents in the world and was looking for new worlds to conquer! 

‘Only one thing is left!’ She declared ‘Antarctica!’ 

‘Hmm hmm’ I replied, not really paying attention. She is like this only - keeps babbling about going to some place or the other - she will jump randomly from country to country and announce some random facts - sometimes Russia, sometimes Norway, sometimes Australia…I tune out while she is talking about cycling in Budapest and the next thing I know, she will be babbling about kayaking in Indonesia. 

But this was different! She was fishing in the troubled waters of the post COVID world - and found that travel restrictions had played havoc with the cruising world. The Antarctica cruises which were once crazily priced and completely unaffordable had suddenly crashed by up to 75% and were suddenly within reach of us broke and poor travellers.  The cruise lines were desperate for business - and were offering all kinds of sweet deals - steep discounts, free cancellation or rescheduling, free upgrades, free drinks packages and all kinds of stuff. This was the troubled-water-fishing that she revels in and after lots and lots of research - she finalised on a couple of cruises.

Obviously there were still a number of difficulties - very difficult difficulties, I might add. How to get to Argentina, how to enter Argentina and all other countries involved in getting there - and how to adjust schedules so that one gets in there in time for a properly priced cruise… a gargantuan project management challenge! 

But Bharathi was the right person for this job! This was the kind of travel challenge that she lives for! She was plugged into the computer for months on end - furiously collecting information, checking fares, visa regulations, cruise schedules, COVID protocols, accomodation and itineraries, and all kinds of arcane stuff. 

She took complete possession of my computer and kicked me out! For months and months! 
‘But how will I write books?!!’ I whined ‘I need the computer! Give me my computer!’ 
‘Bah!’ She sneered ‘Tchah! Hah! Gah! Pah! Get lost with your stupid books. This is more important! This is the travel of a lifetime! NOW GET LOST AND DON'T BOTHER ME! GRRRRRR!’ 
I fled in panic. 

So if anyone one was wondering why I released only 2 books in 2021 - you now know! 

Anyway - to cut a long story very short - SHE DID IT. 
She - like the creator - created order out of the chaos and made multiple itineraries to go to Antarctica.. and then settled down on two - one for me and one for her! That was because someone had to stay home with the kid. I would go and come back and she would hand over the baton and leave for her own trip. 
One has to catch the cruise from Ushuaia - the southernmost port in Argentina - and for that one has to get to Argentina! And the only way - the only reasonable way - to get to Argentina is via Europe. And since one is going via Europe anyway - it costs the same if you transit for an hour or for a month. So why not stop for a bit in Europe and enjoy a trip there as well? After all, time is no constraint for unemployed people who do not need to beg for leave from work. 

The first plan was to transit through Portugal and spend a couple of weeks exploring Portugal - but they were firmly closed due to covid. Finally she threw her hands up and decided to route me through Spain instead. 

Yay! Spain! Tapas! Ham! Flamenco! Hot women! Tapas! 
Did I mention Tapas? Yum 

We had been to Spain in 2014, so wouldn’t be checking out a new country - that was a pity - but it would be great to go back there. I had very pleasant memories - though of course it wouldn’t be the same without Bharathi with me. 

Then I would fly to Argentina - which would be a long and blechh flight …ugh. Spend a day or two in Buenos Aires - and then fly to Ushuaia to see Tierra del Fuego and catch the cruise! ANTARCTICA! WOO HOO! 

‘Since I am going such a long way…can’t I stop there and see some more of the place?’ I pleaded. ‘It would be a real shame to go all the way and not see it.’ 
‘OK’ she replied. ‘Go and see Brazil’ and she booked the outward ticket out of São Paulo. Two weeks in Brazil! WOOHOO! AMAZON FOREST, BABY!’ 

Now we required Visas for Spain, Argentina and Brazil.
Visa applications are most painful for us Indians, and Bharathi worked hard to study all the lunatic rules and requirements of the various consulates and put together a faultless visa application. 
I did nothing in all of this, except for lounge around -  and arrange the documents she demanded. 
I got the Spain and Argentina visas smoothly as per plan - but Brazil blindsided us. They used to be be most friendly and efficient in the past - but now they have pulled a 360…or rather, a 180 …and have the most ridiculous online visa system now. You first have to upload all the documents in their e-consular website - and pay the non-refundable visa charges…they hatch eggs for a week or two - and then ask you to submit paper copies of the same documents to their office. Not at any odd time - but at the exact time they give you an appointment for! A human being collects the documents, checks them, asks you questions and then tells you to come back after another week or so - but only after getting a call from them. 

Ok - did all that and then happily went to collect the passport - only to be told that they have declined the visa! 
‘What?’ I said ‘Rejected! But you have seen all the documents which I uploaded on the site for 10 day and then met me yourself and took my documents and checked them again and kept my passport for 10 days. And now you reject? Why?’
 
‘No no…’ he corrected me. ‘Not rejected. Declined. You can resubmit the application, pay the fees again, and wait again for 3 weeks.’ 
‘But what was wrong with this application? Is some document missing? Is some requirement not being met?’ 
‘I cannot tell you that. Apply again.’ 
‘But - if you don’t tell me what was wrong, what is the point in applying again? What am I supposed to change?’ 
‘I cannot tell you that.’ 

This was like an argument with a woman! ‘If you don’t know why I am angry, then I am not going to tell you!’ 

‘Dude - I don’t have the time to do this ridiculous dance again! I am leaving next week.’ 
‘Delay your trip.’ He said calmly. 
‘Delay? Delay? Dude - look at the itinerary! I am going across 4 countries and three continents - four, if you count Antarctica! My cruise is booked - I cannot fiddle with the itinerary.’ 
‘Ah - that’s too bad. Looks like you are screwed. BUHAHAHAHA!’ 
‘At least give me a one day visa, so I can board my flight from São Paulo!’ 
‘Nopes. Sucks to be you. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. BUHAHAHA!’ 

Hey Brazil consul in India - Can you see which finger I am showing you? 

Bharathi cursed a good deal - and got to work arranging an alternate schedule and worked round the clock to come out with an Argentina itinerary and exit from Buenos Aires to Dubai. 

So we are all set! 

En avaunt! Let the trip begin! Alea Jacta est and all that sort of thing. 
​

ALL HAIL THE PATRON SAINT OF IDIOTS AND SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED! 




​

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