Antarctica Odyssey - Prologue

Bharathi the great traveller has been to all the continents in the world and was looking for new worlds to conquer! 

‘Only one thing is left!’ She declared ‘Antarctica!’ 

‘Hmm hmm’ I replied, not really paying attention. She is like this only - keeps babbling about going to some place or the other - she will jump randomly from country to country and announce some random facts - sometimes Russia, sometimes Norway, sometimes Australia…I tune out while she is talking about cycling in Budapest and the next thing I know, she will be babbling about kayaking in Indonesia. 

But this was different! She was fishing in the troubled waters of the post COVID world - and found that travel restrictions had played havoc with the cruising world. The Antarctica cruises which were once crazily priced and completely unaffordable had suddenly crashed by up to 75% and were suddenly within reach of us broke and poor travellers.  The cruise lines were desperate for business - and were offering all kinds of sweet deals - steep discounts, free cancellation or rescheduling, free upgrades, free drinks packages and all kinds of stuff. This was the troubled-water-fishing that she revels in and after lots and lots of research - she finalised on a couple of cruises.

Obviously there were still a number of difficulties - very difficult difficulties, I might add. How to get to Argentina, how to enter Argentina and all other countries involved in getting there - and how to adjust schedules so that one gets in there in time for a properly priced cruise… a gargantuan project management challenge! 

But Bharathi was the right person for this job! This was the kind of travel challenge that she lives for! She was plugged into the computer for months on end - furiously collecting information, checking fares, visa regulations, cruise schedules, COVID protocols, accomodation and itineraries, and all kinds of arcane stuff. 

She took complete possession of my computer and kicked me out! For months and months! 
‘But how will I write books?!!’ I whined ‘I need the computer! Give me my computer!’ 
‘Bah!’ She sneered ‘Tchah! Hah! Gah! Pah! Get lost with your stupid books. This is more important! This is the travel of a lifetime! NOW GET LOST AND DON'T BOTHER ME! GRRRRRR!’ 
I fled in panic. 

So if anyone one was wondering why I released only 2 books in 2021 - you now know! 

Anyway - to cut a long story very short - SHE DID IT. 
She - like the creator - created order out of the chaos and made multiple itineraries to go to Antarctica.. and then settled down on two - one for me and one for her! That was because someone had to stay home with the kid. I would go and come back and she would hand over the baton and leave for her own trip. 
One has to catch the cruise from Ushuaia - the southernmost port in Argentina - and for that one has to get to Argentina! And the only way - the only reasonable way - to get to Argentina is via Europe. And since one is going via Europe anyway - it costs the same if you transit for an hour or for a month. So why not stop for a bit in Europe and enjoy a trip there as well? After all, time is no constraint for unemployed people who do not need to beg for leave from work. 

The first plan was to transit through Portugal and spend a couple of weeks exploring Portugal - but they were firmly closed due to covid. Finally she threw her hands up and decided to route me through Spain instead. 

Yay! Spain! Tapas! Ham! Flamenco! Hot women! Tapas! 
Did I mention Tapas? Yum 

We had been to Spain in 2014, so wouldn’t be checking out a new country - that was a pity - but it would be great to go back there. I had very pleasant memories - though of course it wouldn’t be the same without Bharathi with me. 

Then I would fly to Argentina - which would be a long and blechh flight …ugh. Spend a day or two in Buenos Aires - and then fly to Ushuaia to see Tierra del Fuego and catch the cruise! ANTARCTICA! WOO HOO! 

‘Since I am going such a long way…can’t I stop there and see some more of the place?’ I pleaded. ‘It would be a real shame to go all the way and not see it.’ 
‘OK’ she replied. ‘Go and see Brazil’ and she booked the outward ticket out of São Paulo. Two weeks in Brazil! WOOHOO! AMAZON FOREST, BABY!’ 

Now we required Visas for Spain, Argentina and Brazil.
Visa applications are most painful for us Indians, and Bharathi worked hard to study all the lunatic rules and requirements of the various consulates and put together a faultless visa application. 
I did nothing in all of this, except for lounge around -  and arrange the documents she demanded. 
I got the Spain and Argentina visas smoothly as per plan - but Brazil blindsided us. They used to be be most friendly and efficient in the past - but now they have pulled a 360…or rather, a 180 …and have the most ridiculous online visa system now. You first have to upload all the documents in their e-consular website - and pay the non-refundable visa charges…they hatch eggs for a week or two - and then ask you to submit paper copies of the same documents to their office. Not at any odd time - but at the exact time they give you an appointment for! A human being collects the documents, checks them, asks you questions and then tells you to come back after another week or so - but only after getting a call from them. 

Ok - did all that and then happily went to collect the passport - only to be told that they have declined the visa! 
‘What?’ I said ‘Rejected! But you have seen all the documents which I uploaded on the site for 10 day and then met me yourself and took my documents and checked them again and kept my passport for 10 days. And now you reject? Why?’
  ‘No no…’ he corrected me. ‘Not rejected. Declined. You can resubmit the application, pay the fees again, and wait again for 3 weeks.’ 
‘But what was wrong with this application? Is some document missing? Is some requirement not being met?’ 
‘I cannot tell you that. Apply again.’ 
‘But - if you don’t tell me what was wrong, what is the point in applying again? What am I supposed to change?’ 
‘I cannot tell you that.’ 

This was like an argument with a woman! ‘If you don’t know why I am angry, then I am not going to tell you!’ 

‘Dude - I don’t have the time to do this ridiculous dance again! I am leaving next week.’ 
‘Delay your trip.’ He said calmly. 
‘Delay? Delay? Dude - look at the itinerary! I am going across 4 countries and three continents - four, if you count Antarctica! My cruise is booked - I cannot fiddle with the itinerary.’ 
‘Ah - that’s too bad. Looks like you are screwed. BUHAHAHAHA!’ 
‘At least give me a one day visa, so I can board my flight from São Paulo!’ 
‘Nopes. Sucks to be you. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. BUHAHAHA!’ 

Hey Brazil consul in India - Can you see which finger I am showing you? 

Bharathi cursed a good deal - and got to work arranging an alternate schedule and worked round the clock to come out with an Argentina itinerary and exit from Buenos Aires to Dubai. 

So we are all set! 

En avaunt! Let the trip begin! Alea Jacta est and all that sort of thing. 
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ALL HAIL THE PATRON SAINT OF IDIOTS AND SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED! 




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